Why We Self-Sabotage (continued from WHC Insights Newsletter – if you missed your copy, just email me and I will send it out to you.)
In WHC Insights we discovered how we all self-sabotage.
The first of the Four Reasons was Our Values are not Attuned to our Goals and two, Fear of Failure. Now on to reasons 3 and 4.
3. Fear of Success
Yup, you can have fear of success. How? The biggest fear of success is that you will actually succeed – then what? How will you be changed? How will life change? What will friends and family think?
Let’s take losing weight as a concept – you lose the weight over summer break from school. In the fall you meet up with your old friends but you are no longer interested in joining them for the usual burger and fries. You aren’t behaving as they predict. When you do join them, you order a salad. Yikes! The camaraderie of burgers and fries is missing. What do you do? Often you might just give in and regain the weight so that you can keep the same relationships.
Or, what if you are successful at your business and start making money. Instead of being the poor friend or family member you now have new clothes, new car, maybe you purchase a home, travel. Will there be jealousy? Will you find yourself feeling like you should pay for times you all go out? Yes, of course, true friends will be your “Hurray” team, but things change. Also, are you ready to see yourself as a person who has the wealth that you only dreamed about? Are you prepared for success?
Sometimes it is just easier to not rock the boat and instead of losing weight, becoming successful, and succeeding, to just sabotage and fail.
4. Lack of Commitment
Generally, lack of commitment is when you decide you want to change something or start doing something that you normally don’t do. These include all of the above ideas such as losing weight, exercising, going to school, writing a book, walking or bicycling to work rather then driving, start the business you have always wanted, learn another language – the millions of things that you say you “want” to do, but are not really committed to. Maybe it is a dream, a want, a desire – not really something you are willing to put actual time and energy into. The trick is, to know when something is just a nice idea, but that the heart really isn’t into the work it will take to follow through to the end.
If you start a new project, and you aren’t committed, then you will most assuredly sabotage and not follow through.
There are other reasons we self-sabotage or resist. Maybe our steps are too huge – like wanting to lose 30 pounds. Maybe if they were smaller, easier steps such as losing 5 pounds? Then we could celebrate and then make the next goal another 5 pounds.
Love your comments – Judith