With relaxation hypnosis, take a vacation without leaving home

A woman listens to relaxing sounds on headphones

When your life gets too stressful, relaxation hypnosis can help.

​Life is full of stress. In this political climate we see families and friends split in strife over politics. There are conflicts over family matters. When you get on the highway, it seems that everybody wants to get there first.

Even if you decide not to take a side or to maintain your cool, the air is filled with hostility. We pick up on these energies around us, and they affect us in many ways — mostly negative. You feel the stress in your shoulders, your neck, and your jaw. It makes you irritable, spreading the conflict outward in circles like ripples on a pond.

That’s where relaxation hypnosis comes in. Using the power of your subconscious mind, you can take a restful break away from the stressors in your life.

WebMD.com describes hypnosis as a therapy for stress and pain:

During hypnosis, the conscious part of the brain is temporarily tuned out as the person focuses on relaxation and lets go of distracting thoughts. The American Society of Clinical Hypnotists likens hypnosis to using a magnifying glass to focus the rays of the sun and make them more powerful. . . . When hypnotized, a person may experience physiologic changes, such as a slowing of the pulse and respiration, and an increase in alpha brain waves. The person may also become more open to specific suggestions and goals, such as reducing pain. In the post-suggestion phase, the therapist reinforces continued use of the new behavior.

​Give yourself​ a half-hour undisturbed to listen to this free relaxation hypnosis audio. I’ll walk you through the process​ of calming your nerves and relaxing your muscles, so that​ you come back refreshed and ready to take on your life again.

​This relaxation audio is just like a visit to my office, except in my office, I offer direct suggestions focused on your unique needs.

​There are a variety of ways to release stress in your life. You can do something creative, go for a walk, remember to breathe. This relaxation audio file is another tool in your toolbox to deal with everyday stress.

​This is a free MP3 file that you can listen to again and again. It will provide you calm and comfort in the face of whatever is wearing you down.

Take time to Pause

Take Pause

What does it mean to Pause? What could you accomplish in a moment’s Pause?

Good questions – yes?

How many of you actually take time during your day to Pause? If you are like me – not near often enough. I even went so far as to purchase a bracelet that has a buzzer that goes offmani, orologio, ora, tempo, velocit every 90 minutes to remind me to Pause. The only problem with it is that every 90 minutes I am treated with a shock to my system as it buzzes on my wrist.


I took it off. And there went $40 down the drain.

Although I don’t miss the vibration on my wrist, I do miss that reminder to just take a moment and breathe. Ahhhh! What a difference a moment of just noticing my breathing makes.


So, what can you do when you take a moment to Pause during your busy day?Just breathe

You can:   Be grateful,  Say a prayer, Breathe, Send a text to someone saying, “I love you”,Look in the mirror and smile and send love all over yourself,Stretch (my dog constantly stretches),Self-Check and ask yourself how you are feeling,Close your eyes for 30 seconds, Drink water, Raise and lower your shoulders and shake out your hands, Go outside and relish in some fresh air.

Next question is how to remind yourself to take that moment? A way that doesn’t jolt the system. Do you have any ideas? I would love for you to share how you remind yourself to take that moment to pause. Please share because someone – like me – might really appreciate it.share


For now –pause – sighing off – Ahhhh!





Lois Shannon on March 18, 2016 at 2:44 pm
blank-postHi Judith, I love this post as I am a big believer that any change or transformation starts with a Pause. I also feel that with our very busy lives we can need a reminder to stop and breath. I feel we often need ‘Permission to Pause’ as women. Pause is the beginning of a 4 step process we have at The Women’s Network, a platform for women’s healing and reclaiming our sovereignty. We developed an app to do just what you are referring to in your post, a reminder to take a Mindful breath. It’s called Airin. We are getting approval from Apple and it should be ready to sell soon. You can get an idea about it if you go to the Womens Network. I love all of the ideas you have for what we can do when we take this moment to pause in our day:)

Time goes so quickly

I can’t believe it is already February 2016…

I can’t believe it is already February 2016 – but maybe I say that every year. Time just goes so quickly and things that I was determined to get done in January – well – they are now postponed for February. februaryDo you do that? I think, unfortunately, that’s what most of us do. I believe in goals and working for what we really want for tomorrow – and yet, I also believe in living in the present and enjoying the gift of “today.”So, how can you make plans for tomorrow and continue to enjoy and take in all the uniqueness of right now? That takes practice – a practice I am continue to learn and practice.

You have made a goal – a plan – of what you want from your future – that is what keeps us motivated. It’s important to remember that goal. But perhaps the whole goal itself seems overpowering – too much – too big a bite. Can you eat an entire apple all at once? Nope! You have to take bites – and the smaller the bites – the more you get to enjoy the juiciness of that apple. It’s the same with a dream – a goal. Break that goal down into small bites that you can easily chew. Instead of only looking at the end result – see what you can do to feel accomplished with small bites heading toward that goal. And then enjoy and celebrate each small bite.


Celebration is the key to achieving a goal. What? Isn’t the end goal itself the celebration? Yes, it is – but we need to celebrate along the way in order to stay motivated.

Little preschooler boy eat apple, outdoor portrait

Little preschooler boy eat apple, outdoor portrait

I have a client who really enjoys being on her computer and playing games with friends and checking out her Facebook status. Many of us can relate to this. However, she finds hours go by and she has been sitting way too long and not achieved anything that she wanted to get done. My suggestion to her was to make a list of what she wants to get done – dust, vacuum, do the laundry, etc. then next to each one of the these “chores,” she writes down a celebration. Therefore, as she gets a chore done, she can enjoy a celebration right afterward. Dust = Facebook. This does two things. One it gets the chore done and two, causes less guilt in “just” sitting and going through Facebook.

How can you make your goals more fun? One way is to join my fun goal setting (and achieving) class which starts on Saturday, Feb. 6th and goes for 6 weeks (12 hours) with a break between the 5th and 6th session. Put more fun in your goals with this creative, interactive class!dreams

Do you have some ideas how to make goals more fun? Please share.

Are you living your dream

Where are you?

Do You Know Where You Are Going newspaper clipping
Where are you in your life? That may seem like a weird question – but when you think about it, it does have an answer.

Road through landscape. Road and car travel scenic and sunset.

You grow up, make plans, and then life gets in the way. Life has a way of doing that.

You start out on a road that you believe will lead you to success and then things happen – marriage, children, lack of jobs, health issues, so many things stop you from that ultimate goal you were seeking.

Or, if you were like me, you never really made plans a whole lot further than tomorrow. And then tomorrow came, and another tomorrow, and another until – oh my – years have passed and your no closer to what you thought life was supposed to be like.

I am, more or less, living my dream now. I am doing the work I am passionate about (coaching and hypnotherapy); I have a dog (who is my love), my granddaughter (whom I adore), friends and family.

So, my question is – are you living your dream – now? If not, what is stopping you? Most of the time it is us getting in our own way. We do this by blocking success through self-sabotage – oh yes, we do Self Sabotage ourselves a lot. We also have thought patterns, which focus more on negative rather than the positive. It’s all about the gratitude. Gratitude for what you have produces more and more. It’s also about reframing many of our self-limiting thoughts and self talk.

I am offering you the chance to change 2016 to more of the life you want so that people ask, “Where are you in your life?” you’ll be able to respond – “Exactly where I choose to be.”

To help you move closer to your goals in life, I will be starting my yearly class that will help you to start getting those dreams off of Someday Island and onto the Road to Success. Isn’t it time for you to wake up those dreams and get them moving? If you responded, “yes!” then this class might be just what you have been looking for. It starts on Saturday, February 6th and goes for 6 weeks (last session has a 2 week break.) The information on this is on my website and Facebook page.

Goal Setting

The Power of
Goal Setting

What do you want your life to look like in 2016?

Holiday Gift Giving Crazies

Are you sick and tired of the Holiday Gift Giving Crazies?


Four ways to stop the craziness!

Me too! That horrible shopping frenzy which is all about trying to find that special something that is going to please your loved one. Or maybe it is that office gift exchange that has so much more tied to it christmasthan just a gift.

Like you, I have shopped until the idea of sticking out my credit card one more time was too much to bear (in fact, my attitude becomes quite bear-like). Why was I doing this? How did it happen that this buy, buy, buy season become what Christmas or Chanukah, or any other holiday is about? Is it really what we want? If you are like me – the answer is a resounding NO!


girlWhat can you do instead?

Here are just 4 ways to stop the craziness as well as a way to stay away from the traffic, congestion and mall frenzy.
heartSpend time – not money. Consider this, what child or friend or family member would not appreciate the gift of TIME? Time to sit, talk, focus, do something fun. That’s it – you are starting to think about it. As a coach I love the process of shared ideas. Usually, this goes – you come up with an idea, then I will. But since this is a one-way conversation, I will do the suggesting, but please, come up with some of your own. Give a hand made gift certificate:     for a game night,     coffee/tea/hot chocolate time    movie and popcorn night (movie of their choice) and make it fun with blankets,  pillows, etc,     make cookies together and invite friends over,     make beaded bracelets    color a large picture together,         jigsaw puzzles     paint by number,     pedicure/manicure night,     homemade dinner,     the list goes on and on and on.
heartHandmade gifts – OK, maybe you aren’t the creative type, but there are so many great ideas for people of all levels of artistic skills. You can visit Michaels, Craft Warehouse or Joann’s Fabrics or whatever art store is in your area. The people who work there specialize in helping you to find a craft you can do. This might be something like gluing together old plates and creating a bird feeder or maybe taking old vases and stuffing solar lights in them to create outdoor lighting. Or maybe you want to try your hand at knitting your first scarf. Making your own gifts is not only less expensive than the big mall items, but it is something that you are putting love and thought into – not just your credit card. I remember as a child I used to make my own cards, decorations and art objects and give them to my parents. And you know what, I believe they loved them – I know I loved making them. I have created braided bread baskets, knit items – and no they weren’t beautiful – but the love I put in them was.
heartIf you must purchase a gift, how about just focusing on one special one rather than a bunch of little ones? Most of those little gifts are generally made so inexpensively, that they fall apart quickly. Discuss with your friends and family about the “one gift limit” and maybe even set a price bracket of how much to spend. This eliminates a whole lot of worry and concern. What it also does is really have you focus on that one thing that will bring a smile to the gift receiver’s face. I fondly remember one summer when two girlfriends and myself got together. We went shopping in the Hawthorne District in Portland – a really fun, funky area. We decided to buy each other a small token to remind us of this day together. Our limit was less than $5 each. This really set us looking for that very special item. To this day I still have the two items I received from Debbie and Leah. I treasure them. So maybe it isn’t about the big $$$$$, but that small, thoughtful $.
heartCelebration! I think celebration is the most important part of the holiday season. It is a time to get together with friends and family and celebrate the love we have for each other. Instead of focusing on buying gifts, how about focusing in on a special way to celebrate the season. For me, I focus on the New Year and plan a yearly ceremony with my friends around what we want for the year. I have this celebration/ceremony the first Saturday of every year. It is a time for us to gather together, eat, create, talk, and so much more. How can you find a way to make this season about celebration rather than just about the gifts?

Now, how can you take care of yourself during all this craziness? Here are 4 ways – none of this will be new – more of a reminder.

  1. Spend time, not money (see number 1 above)
  2. Take care of yourself and your health first. Yes, this is a time of giving, but if you don’t practice self-care first, you will be stressed, short tempered, perhaps become ill, and a martyr. Choose not to be that person and instead practice self-care by resting enough, eating healthy foods, exercising, and relaxing when needed. If necessary, be a bear and sleep in.bear
  3. I know it is “partee time” but do yourself a favor and avoid drinking too much alcohol (you don’t have to toast everything), too much sugar (remember sugar is a poison to your body), and foods that you know do not make you feel good. IOW, if you generally avoid wheat – don’t eat the Christmas cookie just because grandma made it. Know your limits and “love on yourself.”
  4. Keep moving. Yes, the weather outside is frightful – cold, windy, rainy – downright miserable, but don’t let that stop you from moving. If it is just too awful outside, put on some music and dance, hula-hoop, run up and down the stairs – just don’t sit there – move. Why? Movement keeps you mentally, emotionally and physically healthy. It helps you to deal with stress. And it just makes you feel good.

Do you have some ideas you would like to share? Great! Please go to my blog and share away.

I wish you all a very wonderful conclusion of 2015 and a healthy, vibrant, love filled 2016!


Judith Auslander (and Riley)

Define Yourself


Unpredictable health flair-up’s

Chronic health issues – especially when the symptom flare-ups are unpredictable – can really disrupt your life. It is made worse if you have a family to take care of, a job that you must attend to, and just daily living chores. I get it.

Why do I “get it?” My story!

I have lived with an unpredictable illness for 41 years and I have nearly died so many times, that I have actually lost count. If I am a cat – humm, not sure how many more lives I have left.

I actually have a few chronic diseases – fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, Raynaud’s, and a few others, but the one that started it all was Sheehan’s.

I was a healthy, vibrant 25-year-old when I gave birth to my first and only child. After 20+ hours of labor, I finally gave birth to an 8lb, 10oz baby boy. Immediately, the doctor said something was wrong and I needed to be sedated. It seems that the placenta stuck to my uterus and the doctor decided to detach it by pulling it off. Ouch! After this I was put in recovery. Since I was unconscious, I have no idea how long it was before they finally checked on me. When they did, they found my nearly dead body with 7 pints of blood in the bed. My uterus had prolapsed into my vagina. Through medical technology, they saved me, but not my pituitary gland. It took 12 more years, many doctors, and my almost dying for the 2nd time for doctors to do the necessary tests to find out that I did not have a pituitary gland and that I have Sheehan’s Syndrome. I was known as a walking miracle.beach-rocks

Thus, at the age of 25 my life changed dramatically. I lost a lot of my life including my marriage, my son who eventually went to live with his dad and new step-mom, and a great number of choices. What I didn’t lose was my core – who I am. In fact, that part of me probably got stronger.

What I now Know and would love to share – My Legacy

I know that I am NOT my illness – rather I am always bigger than my illness. How do I know this? I have learned it the hard way.

I am resilient. Hopefully, you are, too. Resilience in coachable! Yup, we know that there is probably no cure for our disease, but with resilience we are empowered!

Sure, I went through the Why Me stage? My life is horrible! I even thought about suicide. But I came out the other end.  I KNOW THAT YOU CAN, TOO!

You are more than a title of whatever disease you have. You have a name, a past, and most of all, a future.

I would love to hear from you. You can respond to this blog and let me know what your chronic disease is and how it affects you. Maybe we can even get an advise/support blog going.

If you need help with staying positive or overcoming life’s up and downs, then let’s talk. I am available either in person or over the phone. I offer a FREE 30 minute Discovery Session. Just click on meetme.so/JudithAuslander to schedule yours. I look forward to helping you to rediscover the YOU who you are at your core.


It’s all YOUR Fault!

Yup! That’s what we say – a lot! We are masters at blaming others for our headache, bumped knee, lack of exercise, or eating chocolate. We blame everyone for everything – no matter how silly the blaming may be.

We are late for an appointment – it’s all the fault of the construction they HAVE to do during the busiest hours of the day.

“Dinner is late because …….”

“I would have been here on time but ……”

“I have a headache because …..”

And of course we can all relate to “The dog ate my homework.”

In the blame game we even go so far as to blame our children, spouses and parents for all the “stuff” in our life. Purpose Fairy had a great video from Brené Brown about blame which was an inspiration for this blog post. Watch it at: http://www.purposefairy.com/78063/on-learning-to-let-go-of-blame/

But what happens when blaming goes so far that we start to avoid responsibility for our own life and the choices we make? As a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist I hear a lot of blaming. Yes, often the abuse, neglect, and poor parenting we received as children does affect our psyche and our life – but we can end the cycle of blaming.

How? By seeking help to end the blame game through counseling, coaching or hypnotherapy. You can get past all the pain and move into a future without the pain from the past.

Think of it this way. Imagine carrying around a backpack everyday – wearing it even when you sleep at night – and this backpack is filled with rocks – lots of heavy rocks. Cumbersome to say the least. Also, probably very painful! When you carry around all the hurt, blame, pain from the past everyday, every year, forever, it is like walking around wearing a backpack filled with rocks. Each rock a weight of anger, pain, guilt and more.

Wouldn’t it be nice to let that backpack drop to the ground – to unload yourself of all the pain of carrying it around?

Of course it would be.

If you are ready to let go – unload – and heal your life – then coaching or hypnotherapy may be the answer you are seeking. Call me for a free discovery session to find out if coaching or hypnotherapy might be right for you.

So, here is my question – what blame/pain are you willing to let go of?

The inner self

Sometimes I am a Biatch!

Recently, I have had to face a few things in my life that have made me angry, created necessary changing of plans, and all in all, asked me to be more flexible then I wanted to be.

All of this change had made me feel – well – pissy! Do you ever feel pissy? When she comes out, I usually wish I could eliminate her. She is not the nicest of people – mostly because she doesn’t feel very nice. The “pissy” me is short with people (beyond my normal height challenges) and has an unpleasant face and can be an all around biatch (if unsure what a biatch is, please visit http://www.internetslang.com/BIATCH-meaning-definition.asp.

Sometimes being a biatch makes me feel regretful for my bad behavior. But sometimes … well, she makes me feel almost powerful. Maybe the whole reason I amsnake being a biatch is because I feel so powerless about things that are going on in my life. When I am the biatch then I am Wonder Woman, the Goddess Lilith, and maybe even a bit of Medusa. “Take that people who get in my way … ha ha ha …. I am the great and terrible Judith – stay away.”

So, is crazy biatch Judith so horrible? Actually, I am not so sure she is. Sometimes, we just have to get our bad on so that we can feel that we have some power in a world that doesn’t leave a lot of room for us to feel empowered. Granted, I would not want to stay in this mood for very long, because the biatch Judith is actually not very happy. What she really wants to do is curl up and cry – either that or hit something – or just make the world an easier place to live.

So, what do you do when you feel your inner biatch come out? Do you stifle her? Do you let her out to have her fun? Do you explain to people that you are just feeling a bit biatchy today? I think I do all of the above. The last few weeks I just felt like there were too many things hitting me at once – health, business, emotional, and I just wanted it all to go away. I like peace and calm – and I felt as if my inner peace and calm was being threatened. Instead of lying down and just accepting it – my inner biatch came out to – well – protect me.


Maybe that is it, she is my guardian angel to help me release all my anger and frustration so that I don’t hurt myself so much inside. It doesn’t mean that I feel good about being mean, rather it means, at least I am letting my anger out and not just holding it in. I know that there are better ways of dealing with all this emotion, but sometimes – well – I just figure the biatch serves her brief purpose.

Please share about the last time you let your inner biatch out.

Responses to Sometimes I am a Biatch

Suz on September 14, 2015 at 9:09 pm

suz Mine comes out occasionally. I like peace and quiet also. I like my routine and when that gets disrupted it can make me really crabby. Or when I have to drop everything I’m doing and clean up a mess or do someone else’s job for them because they are – well- inept, I get a little cranky. I have also found that if I forget to increase my hydrocortisone when I’m really stressed it only makes it worse. I usually don’t hold my anger in.

The Voice of Reason

I’m Talking To Myself Again – Am I Crazy?

Do you find yourself talking to yourself? Do you find yourself questioning your sanity? I heard once that you are only crazy if you actually answer yourself. Well, maybe we aren’t crazy – in fact – maybe self-talk is what keeps us sane!

My May/June edition of Psychology Today actually had an article about Self-Talk, The Voice of Reason. I’ll buy that just on the title – I always talkingknew I was more reasonable than others – my logic always worked for me. Right? As it turns out – yes, you do have the best advice for yourself – that is if – and only if – you are kind, loving, and caring toward yourself.

It also seems to make a difference as to how you address yourself. Do you speak to yourself in the first person, “I am so nervous,” or in the third person, “OK Judith, you have nothing to be nervous about, get control here?” Which do you think is better? We know that people who speak about themselves in the third person are nuts – right? Actually, maybe (or at least drive you, the listener, nuts) – but if they speak to themselves in the third person – as you would a dear friend – then they may actually be doing themselves a favor.

Think about it. If you were talking to a dear friend about something challenging – say a job interview – you would probably say something like, “Don’t worry, you are going to do great, you have the skills, they will love you.” Well, what if you are your own “good friend,” and talk to yourself that way? It works just as well – maybe better. “Don’t worry Judith, you can do this, you are great, you have the skills, they are going to love you.” It’s actually a skill we brought through the generations that has saved us from extinction. As they say in the article, “If self-talk is one of the great achievements of humanness, a gift from our evolutionary forebears and caretakers, who soothed and stoked us with words, it is, in turn, one of the deep-seated drivers of human evolution.”

So, how does this information affect self-affirmations? Self-affirmations have received a lot of bad press in the past few years, but as it turns out – they can be very helpful. Saying positive things to yourself about who you are or how you wish to be can actually help. Things such as: “I feel confident,” “I am beautiful and intelligent,” “Judith you are going to do great at that interview,” can really help boost your outlook and how your see yourself.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this as well as what affirmations have worked for you. Please share them below. And keep talking nicely to yourself – you are worth only the highest of praise.

Big Hugs!

Don’t fart in public!

Don’t Fart in Public!

Published May 25, 2015 | By Judith Auslander


Because it goes against our social norms. As social beings, we follow a list of prescribed social norms for the society we live in. I would love to find society where farting, picking my nose, and burping in public were all socially acceptable. However, because I live where I do, I work very hard at being normal.

When we fart or burb, we may blush with embarrassment.

What happens when we fail? Generally, we feel shame. Fart in public, and you probably feel shame (maybe run down the other aisle in the store leaving your offense behind you.) We immediately try to do something that will bring us back to appropriate behavior. We want to remain a part of our tribe.

But what happens when our shame or embarrassment is for something bigger? What about when we feel like a failure or looser? Lose a job – failure! Marriage or relationship falls apart – failure. Get a D (or heaven forbid an F) on a test – failure. Not be accepted into the college of our choice – failure. The list is endless.

So what happens to us emotionally when we feel we are a failure?

We may feel worthless. Often we call ourselves names like “stupid, dumb, ugly.” Horrible, mean words! Words we wouldn’t say to someone we love.

We might become withdrawn, looking inward for the answer to the why of it all. We try to figure out where we failed. Sometimes we can go so far inward that we become depressed.

What can we do instead? Yes, maybe we could have done something earlier that would have saved the job, the relationship or upped the grade on the test. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned. So, the first thing we could do is to ask ourselves what we learned from the situation? What could we have done differently? With shame and guilt, research has shown, we work to repair our actions and to not reoffend.

We could also apologize and see if amends could be made. It is not about being weak or strong – rather it is about admitting to ones errors and discovering how a hurt might be healed.

Most of all, it is to stop the name-calling. Our self-talk must be the same as we would talk to a cherished loved one. When we verbally berate ourselves with mean words of hate we are avoiding the work that needs to be done to rectify the shame. In other words, stop the blaming and instead, start the healing work.

Remember, no one is perfect!

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Therefore, I am not perfect, I do fart in public – but quietly!

If you have found yourself struggling to deal with your shame, guilt, pain or anything that is stopping you from living life to the fullest, then please call me – let’s talk . Let’s discover if coaching or hypnosis could help to end the suffering and get you back to living your life.

the Myth of Happiness

The Myth of Happiness

We are all supposed to be happy – right? It is even written in the Constitution of the United States of America that we are guaranteed “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” So, what happens if we aren’t “happy?” Is there something wrong with us?

In fact, we are so geared into the fact (or is it fantasy) that we are supposed to be happy, that we take pills to make us not feel our feelings and instead feel happy. Some of us call them our “happy pills!”

I am calling happiness – and the pursuit of it – a myth. And the reason is that, in my opinion, we will never be truly happy under the conditions we set for what happiness entails.smiley

There is the typical “I’ll be happy when ….” statements. The blank space is generally fall in love, get married, find the perfect job, when the kids are out of the house, when the bills are paid, have the right car or whatever.

The problem is, what if … doesn’t happen – then are we unhappy?

Maybe yes, maybe no.

Question: what happens if you aren’t happy? Are you wrong? Is there something wrong with you? Should you get help?

So, here is another question – what exactly is happiness? What if we put too much pressure on this whole thing of happiness? What if happiness is really something that comes and goes? What if there are only moments of happiness and the rest is just OK? Can you live with that?

I am sure, like me, as a child you were asked, “Are you happy?” and you knew you needed to say “yes” even if you weren’t exactly sure if you were happy because you weren’t really sure what happy felt like. Was getting a something you always wanted happiness? Was having your parent kiss you good night and tuck you into bed happiness? Was playing with a new kitten happiness? Maybe they all are – and maybe they are just life.

What is happiness to you? Is it OK to not be happy? What about all the other emotions/feelings such as anger, shame, guilt, envy, sadness, regret, disappointment, fear, anxiety and all the others? Are they bad?

In my next segment I am going to go over these other feelings and discuss the good and the bad of each.

In the meantime, please reply to my blog and write me your thoughts.

P.S. How about if I said that all feelings are good?

Responses to The Myth of Happiness

blank-postDani on May 6, 2015 at 7:27 pm
Awesome read Judith! Nicely written!

Anger Management

Anger – Constructive or Destructive?

According to The Secret Language of Feelings – (TSLF) by Cal Banyan founder of 5-Path Hypnosis, anger is the feeling (or fear) that something is unfair.

You can almost see that little child inside you stomping his/her little foot (maybe with hands on hips – that was my style) and saying, “That’s not fair!”

However, at a very young age, most of us are told to stop showing our anger – it wasn’t civilized or grown up to show your anger. In fact, in many cases, it was taboo – a big no-no. And we very much wanted to be grown up, so we held our anger in like good little boys and girls. The problem is that we often are not taught how to constructively deal with our anger. And not dealing with our anger can be very angrydestructive.

In my last blog I stated that ALL feelings are good – so then am I saying that anger is good?

You bet I am!

Anger in and of itself is good. It’s how we express (or don’t express) it that is not always good.

We can express our anger, as I did the other day when I was just getting more and more angry by little things and finally exploded at a cashier who was totally unhelpful and rather belligerent (or that is how I saw her), or we stuff it inside. And, much to the chagrin of my 13-year-old granddaughter I lost my cool and destructively expressed my anger. I walked out feeling better, but I am sure I left a bad aura for the rest of the store patrons. I also felt that there was no way I could walk into that store again.

How could I, an educated, over 60-year-old businesswoman lose her cool?

Easily! It happened when I held my anger in and held my anger in and held it in some more. It either eats you alive, or it bursts out at an inopportune moment like mine did.

Anger doesn’t just go away!

No, anger doesn’t just go away or disappear – it goes inside and finds a nice place to hide out until it can come out play havoc in your life.

Anger demands to be dealt with – positively or negatively – it will be dealt with.

The first step to deal with anger is to look at it and see if it is based in reality. Ask yourself these questions: Am I really angry? Am I really feeling that something is unfair? Am I really in fear? If not, then it is a good time to talk yourself down and discover what is really going on. It could be simply frustration.

According to TSLF go through the 3 following steps:

  1. Ask yourself if you are truly feeling anger or something else.
  2. If angry, look for the cause
  3. Ask yourself what would be a satisfying response.

So, in my case, using the TSLF model, I think I was frustrated and overly tired and needed to just sit down and meditate on my belly button for a while.

Does anger have a real purpose?

Absolutely yes!

Anger has a definite purpose, and it may even save your life.

Imagine if you never got angry how you might be exploited, taken advantage of, and never really be safe. Anger can even be your motivator for social change. Think of the civil rights movement. Anger can help the less fortunate be heard.

According to Psychology Today (January/February 2015), anger can be a great way to get what you want out of life. The point is to use your anger as a means to not be taken advantage of, and at the same time, not allow it to get out of control – Constructive vs. Destructive.

Anger can actually boost confidence, optimism and can be a signal to others of your inner strength. Sometimes anger can even make you more credible. It’s all in how you use this power.

Think about it, if you always stuff your anger and never say what you are feeling, how can problems be solved, changes made, relationships built.

Destructive-Distractive Behavior

In my hypnotherapy chair I hear more pain come out as suppressed anger. The little girl who was molested, the little boy who felt unworthy, the man who felt rejected by women, the woman whose promotion was given to another, the child who was made to stay with people she didn’t want to be with – and it goes on and on. In the hypno-chair, the anger is released. And also released are the abusive distractions they have used to stuff the pain. Distractions such as over-eating, gambling, drinking, smoking, nail biting, and all the many ways we use “too much” destructive behavior.

If you are feel that you may have suppressed anger that is affecting you living the life you deserve, experiencing joy to its fullest, living free of pain and painful events, then hypnosis may be just what you are looking for. Contact me for a free Discovery Session and find out if hypnosis might help you.

I recently saw an article that also shows how anger can be even spiritual.

Fear and Anger

“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Yoda

How much do you suffer from held anger and hate? How much do those feelings lead your life?

cat-fishngerI have discovered that many of my clients suffer from an unlived life or a partial life due to long held anger toward someone who may not even part of their life any longer. Common sense would tell us to let go of useless anger. But what we tell ourselves in our logical mind does not always pass through to our subconscious, which tends to hold on to anger, fear, and hate year after year after year.

So, how does one get over this – let go for real?

We can go through counseling, but talk therapy does not often do the trick. Sometimes, therapy will even reinforce the negative feelings as we keep tickling the memory by talking about it over and over again. Sometimes therapy is what is needed – that is why we have therapists, but sometimes going through hypnosis is the answer that is needed.

In hypnosis (at least the kind that I do) it allows you to re-experience a negative event and see it from a different perspective allowing you to create a more mature or more proactive experience. Also, in hypnosis you have the opportunity of forgiving the perpetrator. {Important note: Forgiving does not mean forgetting, condoning or liking the perpetrator.} What forgiving does do is allow you to let go of the anger, the hate, and in the end, the suffering. This allows you to start living your life without all the baggage.

So, you can start living your life your way.

What are you carrying around that is no longer useful? What fear, anger, hate are you ready to let go of to end the suffering.

P.S. Thanks Yoda

Do we really know what we are feeling?

2 Ways to Avoid Extra Pounds


Feelings – we all have them. But do we really know what we are feeling? Most of the time we are clueless as to what we are feeling.

poundsLet’s take for example hunger. We are watching TV and suddenly we will get the munchies. Something in us tells us we really want to eat something.

You know how this works. You walk into the kitchen and start looking through the refrigerator, the cupboards, and those places you stash the “bad” snacks. Sure there is food in all those places, but you are on the search for something – what is it?

Well, the thing is – your probably are not truly feeling hungry. This kind of “noshing” is what causes fat. Why? Because you more than likely are not really feeling hunger. The problem is – we don’t know what we are feeling.

There are two things that I can help you with here.

  1. Realize first of all where hunger is REALLY felt. Here is a clue; it is not in your brain. It’s in your stomach – in that area right above your belly button. And, if you are truly hungry, opening the refrigerator and heading for a chicken leg, carrot sticks, celery with nut butter or an apple will sound great. If you are not really hungry then you usually will go for the non-nourishing snack food that goes straight to your waistline.
  2. So, how do you know what is really going on – you ask yourself. Here’s how, “1,2,3 What am I feeling?” That simple question will help save your waistline. When you ask – what am I feeling – you really have to go inside yourself and ask yourself – what am I feeling? I will be happy to send you a list of feelings that come from the book, The Secret Language of Feelings, that will really help you narrow down what is exactly is going on inside your feeling mind. Just email me at Judith@WiseHeartCoaching.com and I will be happy to send it to you.

Talk Nice!

3 Ways to Talk Nice!

negativelabelsSelf-talk has been a topic of those in the healing field for a long time. So, long in fact, that I thought “everyone” knew about self-talk and how it truly affects ones thinking about themselves. And yet, day after day, it is proven to me by my clients that there is still not enough talk about self-talk.

What is self-talk?

Basically, it is exactly as it sounds – how you talk about yourself to yourself. Far too often we are extremely critical of ourselves – and we let ourselves know it. Mistakenly, we think, “Oh, it doesn’t matter, I know I’m kidding.” I say “mistakenly” because it is a HUGE mistake to think how you talk about yourself does not matter.

There is this little thing called a sub-conscious, which is what I work with during hypnosis, and let me tell you, your sub-conscious does not take anything as a joke. No matter how funny you are, your sub-conscious is NOT. That huge part of your brain sees everything as black and white, right and wrong, yes or not. There is no gray, maybe or perhaps. So, when you say terrible things to yourself, like “I am so fat, ugly, dumb, etc” your sub-conscious takes it as absolute fat (and saying, “I’m kidding,” doesn’t work).

So, here are 3 things to ask yourself before you say something nasty about yourself to yourself.

  1. Would I say this to my best friend, my child, my spouse, my boss, to someone I cared about? If the answer is no, then don’t do it.
  2. Instead of saying things like, “I’m so stressed,” “I’m am exhausted,” or “I can’t understand this,” be in question. In other words, ask yourself a question instead, such as, “I wonder why I am so tired, stressed, not seeming to understand this?” If you ask yourself a question, then you can come up with an answer that help you change the situation and it does not criticize.
  3. Instead of saying, “I can’t, I won’t, I shouldn’t” change it to what you can, will, want to do. For example, if you want to buy a new dress (or any article of clothing), instead of saying, “I can’t buy this” or “I can’t afford this,” change it to what you can do. You can save your money, you can wait until payday, you can decide how to afford it. This change in wording can make a huge change in your personal power. It exchanges powerlessness for powerfulness. You are now in control.

Now, giving yourself a pep talk, that’s great! “I can do this,” “I am capable,” talk is wonderful to help you get a job done. You can also encourage yourself with words such as “shoulders back, head straight, tummy in, walk proud!” Hey, that’s great self-talk.

Plans and Adversity

The Plans of Mice & Men (Women)!

 I just finished training in Las Vegas for a wonderful new process called Gastric Band Hypnosis. It’s great! The client goes through the process of the gastric band surgery – but mickey_mouse_cartoonwithout the surgery! How does it get better than that? Well it does because it has a 95% success rate – better than the band itself.

Anyway, I decided then and there that I was going to start saving money so that I can go to the National Hypnosis Convention in Massachusetts in August and also take the Stage Hypnosis course. No sooner did I decide that then my crown fell off my tooth. I thought it could just be put back on – but no way (it has a hole in it) so $1000 later I will have a new crown.

So, what happens to our plans? I know I am not alone in planning one thing and then life decides – uh uh, no way – I have other plans for you. How do you survive these shifts in plans? It’s not easy!

I am interested in hearing your views.

Self Sabotage

Four Reasons We Self Sabotage

stop-self-sabotage-behaviourWhy We Self-Sabotage (continued from WHC Insights Newsletter – if you missed your copy, just email me and I will send it out to you.)

In WHC Insights we discovered how we all self-sabotage.
The first of the Four Reasons was Our Values are not Attuned to our Goals and two, Fear of Failure. Now on to reasons 3 and 4.

3. Fear of Success

Yup, you can have fear of success. How? The biggest fear of success is that you will actually succeed – then what? How will you be changed? How will life change? What will friends and family think?
Let’s take losing weight as a concept – you lose the weight over summer break from school. In the fall you meet up with your old friends but you are no longer interested in joining them for the usual burger and fries. You aren’t behaving as they predict. When you do join them, you order a salad.  Yikes! The camaraderie of burgers and fries is missing. What do you do? Often you might just give in and regain the weight so that you can keep the same relationships.
Or, what if you are successful at your business and start making money. Instead of being the poor friend or family member you now have new clothes, new car, maybe you purchase a home, travel. Will there be jealousy? Will you find yourself feeling like you should pay for times you all go out? Yes, of course, true friends will be your “Hurray” team, but things change. Also, are you ready to see yourself as a person who has the wealth that you only dreamed about? Are you prepared for success?
Sometimes it is just easier to not rock the boat and instead of losing weight, becoming successful, and succeeding, to just sabotage and fail.

 4. Lack of Commitment

 Generally, lack of commitment is when you decide you want to change something or start doing something that you normally don’t do. These include all of the above ideas such as losing weight, exercising, going to school, writing a book, walking or bicycling to work rather then driving, start the business you have always wanted, learn another language – the millions of things that you say you “want” to do, but are not really committed to. Maybe it is a dream, a want, a desire – not really something you are willing to put actual time and energy into. The trick is, to know when something is just a nice idea, but that the heart really isn’t into the work it will take to follow through to the end.

If you start a new project, and you aren’t committed, then you will most assuredly sabotage and not follow through.

There are other reasons we self-sabotage or resist. Maybe our steps are too huge – like wanting to lose 30 pounds. Maybe if they were smaller, easier steps such as losing 5 pounds? Then we could celebrate and then make the next goal another 5 pounds.
Love your comments – Judith

Core Values – Ego

What happens when we Jump To Conclusions?

We all do it – jump to a conclusion.

Today, I had that experience with a dear friend. It was painful! My friend had jumped to a    conclusion and called me angry and with accusations that I was immediately hurt by and  responded to.

I reacted! I retaliated with my own anger at her accusations. I defended myself. This is the  ego in full defense – and my body responded. My blood pressure went up, I could feel my head start to ache, my voice rose with anger, and replied to her with what I felt was justification. There was also a part of me that wanted to hide – to just say “OK” and end the argument. To swallow my hurt instead of speaking my pain.

The thing is – all of my immediate reactions were part of my lower self – my ego – which felt that it needed to protect itself. Instead of being in question, I became reactive. Instead of inviting the Light in to help me in understanding the situation better, I belched out my anger.

Later, once I calmed down and thought about the situation I realized that this was not like my friend at all. It is not normal for her to accuse instead of asking questions. So, I called her back. I apologized for responding from my ego and asked her what was going on with her, if she was okay. Through communicating from our higher self we realized that we both reacted incorrectly and promised to ask questions rather than accuse. This felt whole – this felt light.

When have you responded from your ego – reactive self – instead of your higher side? I would love to read your comments

Stretch Yourself

What are you going to change for 2014?

My most recent WHC Insights newsletter asked how you were going to        S-T-R-E-T-C-H yourself in 2014. I look forward to you adding your ways of stretching here. And I will check in and will comment.

In the meantime – Wise Heart Coaching is also going to be stretching and spreading her wings.

Stay tuned for changes to the website. These changes will reflect the various ways that Wise Heart Coaching is changing and growing. This year I graduated with two different certificates: 1. as a Sage-ing Leader and 2. as a CVI (Core Value Index) Assessment Coach. I will be doing CVI assessments which includes one hour of coaching for $99. You will learn a lot more about yourself. If interested, drop me a line. Just visit my Contact Me Page.

This year Wise Heart Coaching is also branching out into the business world. Using the CVI, my book on goal setting, along with the many tools I have learned in building a team.

In May I will be attending The Wellness Institute in Issaquah Washington to become a Hypnotherapist. This is something that I have wanted to do for years and am very excited about adding hypnotherapy to my coaching skills.

2014 promises to be a big year for Wise Heart Coaching and I am honored that you are joining me on this adventure.



An Attitude of Gratitude

It is easy to be in gratitude for the things that are wonderful in life such as family, friends, full tummy, watching the baby play with the dog, but what about those things that we generally don’t feel gratitude for? Here are some tips to be in a constant state of gratitude.

1.     Make bill-paying a time for gratitude. Yes, paying bills IS a time for gratitude. As your write each check or pay each online bill, be in gratitude. Be thankful that you owe the money as this means that your life was added to in some way. If the bill is for your mortgage or rent – thank you for the roof over our heads. If the bill is for your education – thank you for the opportunity to go to school. If the bill is for electric, gas, telephone, be thankful for these things as well. If you maintain an attitude of gratitude as you pay your bills you are actually adding to the positive vibration that goes with your money – both coming in and going out. You create a feeling of bounty. So, as you sign that check or click “pay” say a brief “thank you.” These two words, this feeling of thanks, will make bill paying a lot better. Blessings everywhere.

2.    When you are stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, instead of adding to the negative feelings that everyone around you has, be in gratitude. Yup! Traffic usually has a lot of negative energy. When you are angry, too, you only add to the negative vibration around you. You become a part of the negative energy. What can you do instead? How about turning up the radio and sing really loud. Or turn to the neighboring driver and smile and mouth “hi.” This not only makes you feel better, you have just helped to brighten someone else’s mood as well. Kids do it all the time. Do you remember waving at every car when you were a kid? People almost always waved back.

3.     You’re standing in a long line waiting to check out or return an item or whatever reason and the line has only budged a small amount in the last 10 minutes. How can you be in gratitude with this mess? You can do a couple of things. One might be to realize this is NOT how you want to spend your time and leave – it might be best to come back at a time when there are more sales people or just less people. Or, you could start chatting with the other people in line. You might make a new friend – how much gratitude is there in that? Maybe you can all start singing to whatever song that is playing on the store’s music system. If you are in gratitude rather than anger, you can make it into a party. Maybe you can Congo Line up to the register. The thing is if you are angry about the long wait, you spread your anger to the other people in line and what might have been an opportunity to make a new friend; you have instead spread the negative energy around.

I can’t say that I am not guilty of a less than thankful attitude while paying an outrageous bill or standing at a never-ending line at the post office. Like you, I need to be reminded that an attitude of gratitude is not just a “holiday” thing, it is an all year – 365 days a year thing.

In gratitude for all my wonderful followers,


PS How do you show gratitude daily? Please comment below – we love comment

Are you stuck?

Hey, knock, knock – are you stuck?

As the summer of 2013 comes to a close I feel some old fears popping up. Do you feel them? Usually those fears revolve around money, job, shelter, love, family, etc.

A number of years ago I took a wonderful course called Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten. You may have heard of Rhonda because she was a guest on Oprah a number of times. She also had a show back in the 90’s called “Starting Over.” I was so thrilled with the concepts behind Fearless Living that I became certified as a facilitator of her amazing method of living a life absent of fear.

I don’t teach this 10-week class often because it is … well 10 weeks …. but it is such a powerful way to end the year, that I have to offer it again.

So, here is a little about the course: It is a customized 10-week phone-in coaching course will help you reach your authentic life. Each session will bring you closer to a life filled with joy. Be bold the way you always wanted to be.

As your coach and facilitator, I will help you acquire peace of mind, build your confidence, and have a deeper understanding of the world. I will guide you and your fellow Fearless Living group members on this path of understanding and love.

How does this work?

We will meet via teleconference in a small group to ensure intimacy and personal contact for an hour once a week. All calls will be recorded so that you may go back and re-listen or catch up on a call you might miss. You can listen from your desk at work or from your couch at home. Anywhere that is comfortable for you.

As an added bonus, I will provide you with your Core Value Index Assessment (CVI). CVI measures how you can make your highest and best contribution in society. You’ll learn how to draw on your strengths. This is a powerful tool that can help you determine your path to success. CVI consultation is 50 minutes long and includes my careful coaching and encouragement.

Be sure to check my website under Workshops and then under Fearless Living.

Come join me in living Fearlessly!


New Renaissance Bookstore

I am so excited!

On Sunday, October 20th, I will be giving a talk at New Renaissance Bookstore from 1:00 to 5:00 (4 hours). This is a great opportunity and hope that some of you can join me.

Finding Purpose In the Second Half of Life
Judith Auslander, Sun. Oct. 20, 1-5 pm $40

Here is the write-up on the New Ren newsletter about my talk:
We’ve heard of our Inner Child but what about our Inner Elder? This workshop explores the process of Sage-ing, a way of living the second half of our lives joyfully, with deep meaning, purpose and fulfillment. It involves cultivating personal and spiritual growth, developing new passions and forms of service. Judith will guide you to look at some of the obstacles that stop you from enjoying your elder years fully, such as fear of our mortality, the unfinished work of grief and forgiveness or the perception of invisibility in a culture obsessed with youth. Judith Auslander is the author of the book, The Power of Goal Setting and owner of Wise Heart Coaching she is a Certified Life Coach and Sage-ing Leader.

To participate go to http://newrenbooks.com/events/oct_reg.html#aus and find my name.

Holiday Season

Take Charge of the Upcoming Holiday Season Now!

From September 24th WHC Insights Newsletter – not getting yours – sign up today! (It’s over there – right there – on your right – see it?)

The Autum Equinox! Fall – Crisp Air, Falling Leaves, beautiful colors of orange, red and brown.  I love fall, don’t you?  Bundling up for the cold.  Planting bulbs to come up in the spring.  It is also the beginning of the holiday season.  How do you feel about the holidays?  Do they bring happiness, a huge “to do” list, or maybe the holidays bring sadness or loneliness?  There are ways to cope with all the emotions that get tangled up (like last years Christmas tree lights) around this time of year.

First of all, make sure you take care of yourself.  Often we get so busy taking care of others, we forget the very important duty to take care of ourselves.  When we neglect ourselves, we are not serving others.  Caretakers are often the ones who need caring for.  They are so busy making sure that everyone’s needs are looked after that they forget themselves – affecting their own health.  So, my first advice is self-care.  Granted you may not be showing your toes right now, but go get a pedicure anyway.  It feels wonderful and is time just for you.  Or, bundle up and go out and explore the beauty of mother nature.  When we spend too much time indoors we don’t get to breathe in the clean air we need for our physical and mental health.

Second is to Plan Ahead.  Make a list of everything on your mental “to do” list, and allow your mind to think of other things. Take your list and divide it up into weeks.  This way you avoid the stress of last minute running around.  Remember, everyone else who is stressed and running around at the last minute is stressing your energy field as well.  Prepare in advance and you are protecting your energy field and everyone elses.

Third suggestion is exercise.  Nothing releases the tension in your body and your mind more than a good sweat. Exercising either outside or at the gym; sweating out the toxins is good! Exercise opens up the lungs, cleans out the pores, and really helps your body feel good.  Make sure that if you haven’t exercised for a while to take it slow.  Starting out like gangbusters will only make you sore and you will quit.  Going too fast is a great way to self-sabotage yourself, and you do not want to do that.

Fourth suggestion is to find friends to hang with, laugh with, go to the movies with, take a class with, exercise with, and share meals with.  True friends will not let you hang around in a state of self-pity.  They will hug you when you need a hug and kick you in the tush when you need that as well.  They can also help take the stress out of the holidays.  There is no reason for you to be alone.  Remember, it’s a choice.  Give yourself the power to make a choice that works for you.

Fifth and last suggestion is to sign up today for my upcoming Fearless Living Class. Living a Faith Based Life over a Fear Based Life changes everything. Join me and up to 15 guests for 10 weeks of learning how to live fearlessly. Fearless Living is based on the book by Rhonda Britten, which we will use throughout the 10 weeks; October 16th – Dec. 18th. Tell your friends and family to sign up today. Great holiday gift idea. Registration is now open – $155 for 10 weeks – that’s only $15.50 a class!!!! Make 2014 a Fearless Year!

Fearless Living

Fearless Living is back

In coaching I find that many of my clients are living a fear-based, rather than faith-based life. And that makes so much sense. Look at our media, it is filled with fear. We are told to fear everything from underarm odor to war in the Middle East. There is very little – if anything – about living a faith-based life. In fact, who even knows what a faith-based life is? If you are curious, it is a life that is based on trust, faith, and an inner knowing that I know the right decision for my life. A faith-based life is staying in the moment and not living in the past or in tomorrow, but right here, right now. It is actually a wonderful way to live. It is the way I am constantly working to live my life.

So, who did I learn all this great information from – Rhonda Britten – from her wonderful book, Fearless Living. I read her book and loved it, so I decided to find out more. I went online and took her course in how to teach Fearless Living using her book as a guide.

Since than I have taught several Fearless Living classes. Mostly, I teach it over a conference line in group sessions. This allows people from all over the country to participate.


Sage-ing and a New Kind of Journaling

Wow! This year is starting out with busy, fun, and enlightening.

I am currently half way through my first Sage-ing course – 3 weeks of delight. I feel so honored to be taking these souls through the Sage-ing journey.

I start my next class on Monday, March 4th at Apositiva in Portland, Oregon. See the flyer on the Sage-ing page or on my Wise Heart Coaching Facebook page. This will be a 5-week course.

I am also taking a fantastic course from Janet Connor called Writing Down Your Soul from her book with the same name. It is journaling – but not journaling. This is a way to get into the Theta brainwave so that you are writing, but not with your conscious, critical mind. It is done quickly without editing. When writing you address the voice within. I have so far called mine, My Dearly Beloved. It is a love letter from myself to myself. I am very much looking forward to reaching my soul self in writing. With this I will discover even more of my purpose in life, be more successful in my work, and feel more satisfied within my life choices. This is a gift I am giving myself.

I have also completed my thesis on Intergenerational Communities and receive my second masters from Marylhurst. I feel proud that I made it through this a second time – but I wouldn’t want to do it again.

Blessings all, Judith