Don’t Fart in Public!
Published May 25, 2015 | By Judith Auslander
Because it goes against our social norms. As social beings, we follow a list of prescribed social norms for the society we live in. I would love to find society where farting, picking my nose, and burping in public were all socially acceptable. However, because I live where I do, I work very hard at being normal.
When we fart or burb, we may blush with embarrassment.
What happens when we fail? Generally, we feel shame. Fart in public, and you probably feel shame (maybe run down the other aisle in the store leaving your offense behind you.) We immediately try to do something that will bring us back to appropriate behavior. We want to remain a part of our tribe.
But what happens when our shame or embarrassment is for something bigger? What about when we feel like a failure or looser? Lose a job – failure! Marriage or relationship falls apart – failure. Get a D (or heaven forbid an F) on a test – failure. Not be accepted into the college of our choice – failure. The list is endless.
So what happens to us emotionally when we feel we are a failure?
We may feel worthless. Often we call ourselves names like “stupid, dumb, ugly.” Horrible, mean words! Words we wouldn’t say to someone we love.
We might become withdrawn, looking inward for the answer to the why of it all. We try to figure out where we failed. Sometimes we can go so far inward that we become depressed.
What can we do instead? Yes, maybe we could have done something earlier that would have saved the job, the relationship or upped the grade on the test. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned. So, the first thing we could do is to ask ourselves what we learned from the situation? What could we have done differently? With shame and guilt, research has shown, we work to repair our actions and to not reoffend.
We could also apologize and see if amends could be made. It is not about being weak or strong – rather it is about admitting to ones errors and discovering how a hurt might be healed.
Most of all, it is to stop the name-calling. Our self-talk must be the same as we would talk to a cherished loved one. When we verbally berate ourselves with mean words of hate we are avoiding the work that needs to be done to rectify the shame. In other words, stop the blaming and instead, start the healing work.
Remember, no one is perfect!
“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” ― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Therefore, I am not perfect, I do fart in public – but quietly!
If you have found yourself struggling to deal with your shame, guilt, pain or anything that is stopping you from living life to the fullest, then please call me – let’s talk . Let’s discover if coaching or hypnosis could help to end the suffering and get you back to living your life.